Inside the Minds of Ninjas
by midnathething
Summary: In this series you will see may strange stories: An Uchiha that wants a mustache, a Hyuga who trains death bunnies, a boy from Suna who wants to be a super hero, and the one that the Shukaku is afraid of. All of this and much much more in the series Inside the Minds of Ninja.
1. Itachi's Mustache

Itachi had a secret he hadn't told anybody. Not Sasuke, not his father, not his mother, and definitely not Kisame.

It was his deepest, darkest secret. This secret was something Itachi had never told ANYONE. This secret was something he had lied about to keep secret. A secret that he'd sent several comrades into embarrassing and awkward situations to preserve.

The truth was… Uchiha Itachi had always wanted a mustache. Of course, no one would ever hear him say anything about it. Everyone knew Uchiha didn't get facial hair. Not even if they had their deepest, darkest secret being that they wanted one.

Itachi thought it was highly unfair.

So when Itachi was told that he and Kisame where going to Konoha, he began to plot. Sure they could just walk in, make a huge scene, possibly beat up Sasuke, freak out Naruto, and then leave… But where was the fun in that? Then, in that moment, Itachi had an idea. A brilliant, sneaky idea – one worthy of an S-rank missing ninja. One that would shake the Elemental Nations to their foundations.

Itachi and Kisame would enter Konoha in disguise. And Itachi would finally have his mustache.

…

Kisame was gathering his things, preparing for the upcoming mission, when Itachi knocked on his doorway. Kisame glanced over at his partner.

"Oh, Itachi, what do you want?" Kisame asked before going back to gathering his things.

The Uchiha sat there saying nothing for a few moments. He had always imagined Kisame's room being a messy wreck, but Kisame's room was neat and organized. Itachi shook his head in attempt to clear it.

"We will be wearing disguises," Itachi stated turning to walk away.

Kisame raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything; he had to finish gathering his things.

…

Izumo and Kotetsu were bored. They were, as usual, being gate guards. Considering the recent invasion, they were fortunate that they hadn't been confined to the hospital, or stuck doing deskwork, a horrible fate for any active ninja. The thoughts that they could have been killed were best avoided as much as possible.

"Be a gate guard they said. It will be fun they said. You'll see lots of interesting people they said. I haven't seen anyone go in or out this gate all day." Kotetsu complained, throwing a balled up piece of paper at Izumo.

Izumo scowled, bating the balled up paper away before it could hit his head. "You should stop complaining Kotetsu, we have seen interesting people, this job is entertaining on more crowded days, and no one is trying to stab us when we're being gate guards. And look, two people are coming now."

Kotetsu looked over and saw the strangest thing he had ever seen. A short man with dark hair and a mustache clad in a garishly bright yellow and orange kimono over a pair of fire hued trousers and unexpectedly green sandals. He was accompanied by a tall blue woman with nice long blue hair, clad in the sort of expensive, close-cut dress only women with more money than sense would wear, adorned by a long strand of pearls. Though Kotetsu did think the woman looked rather impressive, in a lethal sort of way… he wondered if he'd be able to survive getting her into a bikini and a pool of water? After a few moments of highly unprofessional thoughts, he decided that the answers were – she'd look fabulous in a bikini, and it would be the last thing he ever saw in this life. Probably not worth it.

Probably. Though he wasn't entirely convinced.

…

"I told you the genjutsu would fool them, Itachi." Kisame said with a chuckle.

"I have lost all faith in Konoha." Itachi replied.

Kisame grinned, "Don't be like that Itachi, you're just upset the store was out of pocky."

"Yes, I am. Now stop bothering me, I have a little brother to traumatize." Itachi glared before jumping out the window.

"Why was he still wearing the mustache…?" Kisame muttered thoughtfully.

…

Itachi spotted his targets. Naruto, Sasuke, and some pink haired girl. Now, how would he separate them… meh he wouldn't, knowing how Sasuke acted Itachi figured they would have worse teamwork then a dead thing.

Itachi jumped out of the trees, yelling to draw their attention. "Stop right there!"

"Wha-? Hey, is that Kakashi sensei? Maybe this is what he looks like without his mask." Naruto said/yelled.

Itachi quickly reached the decision Naruto had never heard of an indoor voice.

"No, you idiot," The pink haired girl hit Naruto, "Kakashi sensei has a different hair color than that."

"Gah- Sakura chan, why did you hit me?" Naruto whined clenching his head.

"Who are you and what do you want?" Sasuke growled. Ah Sasuke, always tactless, and straight to the point.

Itachi frowned. He thought his little brother would recognize him straight away, and come charging at him with some powerful attack that Kakashi had taught him

What had kept his foolish little brother from charging ahead the way he had since learning to walk? Had his brother finally developed a proper ninja sense of caution? Had Kakashi proven such a skilled teacher in so short a time? He reached up to thoughtfully brush his fingers over his lips in a 'don't bother me, I'm thinking' gesture that he'd copied from several Nara.

His fingers brushed over hair.

"I'm still wearing the mustache aren't I?" Itachi sighed.


	2. Hinata's bunnies

The shy Hyūga glanced around looking to see if anyone was following her. Most people would just assume it was because she was shy and she didn't want anyone to follow her. Hinata's team knew better. Her cousin knew better. No one else knew better though.

She walked along, almost ignoring the short man with the mustache in an outfit that Naruto would have loved. He was wearing a bright yellow and orange kimono with fire hued trousers. His sandals were green. The same shade of green as Neji's Sensei's jumpsuit. Accompanying him was a tall blue woman with long blue hair. She was wearing a dress that only an indecorous noble woman would wear, along with a string of pearls forming a stunning necklace. Her complexion and her dress unfortunately did not mix well.

Hinata made a mental note of the two, who were heading in the direction of the pocky store.

Hinata once again looked around to insure she had no one following her, before running in the direction of Mitarashi Anko's favorite forest. After all, that was where Hinata's bunnies lived.

…

As Hinata entered the forest she allowed a smile to form. No elders to yell at her, no Father to tell her she should be practicing her Jyuuken and not wasting her time with whatever it was she was doing, and no Anbu to follow her constantly because of the incident from when she had been three. None of them ever looked for her in the forest, which was in a way like home.

Hinata walked along the path her bunnies had carefully shown her. As long as she was on the path she was in the bunnies' territory and didn't need to worry about the forest's other inhabitants.

After a bit of walking, Hinata arrived at a clearing. The clearing was pleasant, with light yellow flowers, a small stream running through. Cute bunnies were hoping around, and the well-gnawed skeleton of the bunnies' most recent victim tangled in the blood-stained grass.

Hinata smiled waving as her slightly larger than normal fluffy white bunnies, with the cutest red eyes, gathered around her. One of the mommy bunnies had even brought one of her baby bunnies, still young enough to not yet have grown its fangs.

Hinata pulled out a small picnic basket, filled with carrots, celery, rutabaga, fish, chopped liver and kidneys. One of the adult rabbits seemed to smile, revealing rows of pointed fangs similar to those of a shark and completely unlike the teeth of the smaller brown bunnies that lived outside of the Forest of Death.

Hinata happily began tossing the assorted foods to the rabbits, based in their preferences and family sizes. Hinata grinned when one rabbit leaped 15 feet into the air to retrieve its fish. If she sensed the approaching ninja she didn't show it.

Meanwhile a missing ninja from Taki glared down from the trees. The girl had wandered into the forest of death just to feed some stupid bunnies. He resolved to wait till she had her back turned and was leaving to attack.

…

After a while Hinata stretched and stood. At about that time Naruto would be getting back from a mission and would be heading in the direction of the Raman shop. Hinata didn't want to miss him. Perhaps she would even be able to get a seat close to Naruto.

As Hinata was leaving the former Taki ninja attacked. Hinata blocked his initial attack and flipped away from the ninja, glaring.

"You almost hurt my bunny," She growled as she set down a baby rabbit.

The former Taki ninja had the nerve to laugh.

"Bunnies, Attack!" Hinata shouted.

At her call every rabbit in the clearing, visible and hidden alike, leapt at the former Taki ninja. He was able to scream for about three seconds before one of the rabbits ripped the man's thought out.

…

From the gates of the forest Anko blinked. She got the feeling she had missed something completely and utterly violent and gory. Anko shrugged and entered the forest petting one of the giant snakes that came close to her. It seemed to be afraid of something.

"It's okay Oro-Chan, I'll protect you from the bunnies." Anko said soothingly, rubbing the side of the snake's head in away similar to how an Inuzuka would rub their dog.

…

Hinata frowned. As much as the loved her bunnies it always was a problem when the blood of their victims got on her lightly colored clothing.

How would she explain the stains to her father?


End file.
